next-door terrorists | 2002-05-24 - 11:57 p.m.

I heard today that terroristas are planning to rent apartments in L.A. with the sole prop�sito of detonating them. Hasta ahora, I had never considerado these terrorista dudes insane -- extremos, perhaps, definitely misguided, but not chiflados. Ahora, I'm not so segura. I mean, who in sus cabales would put down two grand on last month's rent and a safety deposit, only to blow it all away? I may not be the most meticulosa money-manager around, but even I make a point of getting my safety deposit back whenever I get evicted I terminate a lease.

So my landlord est� convencido that the Grumento Apartments is at the top of Sr. Bin Laden's list of things to blow up. Yo, I'm not so segura. I mean, if this terrorism thing was all about aesthetics and urban planning, that would be one thing. But think about it -- if the terroristas really want to eradicate urban blight, they'll have to blow up every chingado apartment building in the San Fernando Valley. And qui�n has the time or energ�a to do that?

This doesn't stop my landlord from worrying. Ahora mismo, he is training with the local polic�a on how to spot potential suicidal apartment bombers. It's not as f�cil as it sounds. Seg�n the LAPD, your average terrorista behaves just like ... well, just like my college-aged vecinos next door. Ya sabes ... Terroristas keep boxes of equipment in their apartamentos. Mis vecinos keep boxes of shit in and around their apartments. Terroristas stockpile chemical compounds. Mis vecinos stockpile pseudoephedrine and pot. Terrorists act strangely in public places. Mis vecinos get drunk, invite their friends over, and jump into the pool from the second-story balcony.

You'd think I'd be a little nerviosa about this terrorista thing, dado mi proximidad to some very suspicious tipos. But I'm as tranquila as a cucumber. Even if mis vecinos are terroristas, they aren't going to be blowing up the Grumento Apartments any time soon. For one thing, my building is nowhere close to anything important, unless you consider the 7-11 a strategic bombing site. For another thing, nadie importante lives in these apartmentos (excluding yo, of course).

Even if Osama's boys did find this old edificio worthy of their attention, why would they bother gastando explosives on it when a single, well-planted patada to the foundation would do the trick?

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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