let's roll! | 2002-05-22 - 11:15 p.m.

I have returned! Like MacArthur to the Philippines, like a criminal to the scene of a crime, like a dog to its own ... Well, Uds. ya tienen la idea.

Pat�ticamente, no tengo mucho que reportar about mis vacaciones. Ay, s�, in the distant, early d�as of my descanso, I had hoped to do algo constructivo, like taking up an instrument or learning a new language (I have always longed to understand the strange, quasi-Spanish idiolect George Bush affects when speaking publicly to his constituents en Miami). Oh and s�, I was going to distinguish myself from the rank and file of S**th*rn C*l*f*rn** by doing good deeds for the disenfranchised and marginalized. I got all warm and esquishy inside envisioning myself sending flashlights to refugees and helping people find shopping carts at Walmart.

But al fin y al cabo, I undertook none of these admirable endeavors. Not a one. I was too busy doing exactamente what I knew I would be doing all along -- catching up on telenovelas and mainlining Ben and Jerrys. Ten pounds and twenty-two d�as later, I have nada, absolutamente NADA to show for my time off. No obstante, I am as gorda and self-satisfied as a spider in the centre of her shining Web, to steal borrow a vivid if unpleasant analogy from one of my favorite authors.

I will confess, lo tanto that I enjoyed my Diarylandia break, it was a little estressful for me to mantener el silencio all this time. Para empezar, it was no mean feat to sit by and keep my peace while that vicious anaconda Laura Bush went on the attack to defender her idiota of a husband. I mean, who is she to get all pious about manipulating the emociones of la gente Americana? If she were a real human being, and not an animatronic puppet surrounded by secret service agents, I would get Concha to kick her flat Republican ass back to Texas.

I also had trouble keeping quiet when I heard that Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect was getting yanked from ABC's line-up of fine, quality programas. It's not like I ever watched Bill Maher or anything. I have no lealtad to the programa or to Bill Maher himself. Sin embargo, la cancelaci�n made me algo inquieta. I mean, when ABC yanked the show, were they really responding to his sinking ratings, as they have claimed, or algo m�s siniestro?

Whatever the answer, I have completely refrained from ofreciendo my opinion. It has been a true test of will, but I believe I have passed. Throughout the past three weeks, I have maintained mi silencio on Bill Maher, Karen Hughes, and that dude from Barretta -- and all with the steadfastness of a Enron executive undergoing an investigaci�n.

Until today, that is. When I saw this foto of el Presidente undergoing potty-training at the White House, I knew the time had come to romper el silencio.

They say a picture is worth a thousand palabras, so I will just let this one espeak for itself.

Ah, hijos. It is good to be back.

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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