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una carta a Vermont | 2002-04-02 - 9:26 p.m. Dear Ben y Jerry, It feels kind of strange writing to you like this. Una parte de m� is seeking some kind of interpersonal conexi�n with you that my pint-a-week consumption of your producto cannot satisfy. Each time I find myself staring at the bottom of another pint, glutted and dazed, I experience the longing to prolong and deepen our association; to somehow change your lives the way you have changed mine. Yet who are you, really? Although you look bastante genuine en la foto on the carton, neither of you have aged at all in the last 25 a�os. Just get a load of yourselves. Both of you look like you're still driving around in VW vans and chillando "St. Stephen!" at Grateful Dead shows. Claro, ya entiendo que Uds. are no longer really seres humanos in the traditional sentido of the word. When you betrayed your principles and let them buy your compa��a, you became converted to an abstract, ageless concept, just like Colonel Sanders. But I can't help but feel you are algo m�s than mere figurehead hippies. Perhaps I have been condicionada to associate you with the pleasure I experience while consuming your decadent products, but I can't help but feel a sentido of seguridad y wholeness when I gaze at your familiar caras on the carton. Anymodo, I'll get to the point since you two are busy gente and don't have all day -- es decir, I suspect you wouldn't have all day if you really existed. I am sure you get muchas cartas from people asking you to add this or that sabor to your burgeoning repetoire of tasty treats, but digan, when is the last time you threw global politics into the mix? Think how your bottom line would benefit if you were to introduce the bracing wind of the current geopolitical climate into the Ben and Jerry freezer! Specificamente, I would like to suggest a new line of productos derived from one of Sr. Bush's pet projects: the War on Terror. Todo el mundo has heard of the Axis of Evil, right? OK, then, how's this for a new concept? If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em! Try our new Axis of Sugar! What better way to put a new spin on tired old flavors like Chunky Monkey and New York Fudge Brownie? You could retire them and re-introduce them as Talibanana and Iraqui Road, and nadie would be the wiser. I am completamente serious about this. If you agree that this is the best idea in ice cream since you introduced those Twisted Duo thingies, then I encourage you to contact me cuanto antes so we may discuss los pormenores. Or have your minions do it, I guess, since you have been apotheosized. Les saludo respetuosamente, Castigada p.s. I would be willing to put aside my current professional commitments and fly out to Vermont, if need be. Just send me the ticket!
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pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
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Diary Rings |
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member of the scorpio diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland member of the snobs diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland we live sweat but dream light years | d*land wage slaves: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland member of the love-is-pain diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - I'll Dance on His Mutilated Corpse - Diaryland Living Abroad - the expat diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland |
