feliz ano nuevo a mi | 2002-01-08 - 10:15 a.m.

This new year business, it really makes me hot under the necklace. Or collar. Whatever. I am writing the check for la renta and okay, I forget what year it's supposed to be. Hey, don't get on my back. I mean, nobody reminds you it's 2002 now, it's not like the time of day or the temperature which every jodido auto dealership and vet's office en el mundo has to broadcast in big bright lights as you go down the street. It could be 1976 for all I know, except we're all a little better dressed and we're not drinking Tab anymore. Annnyhow, I guess I wrote 2001 on the check because I was thinking about the New Year's Rocking Eve show del ano pasado and what a gigantissimo load of crap that was. I start thinking about Dick Clark and his big old head, and wonder what he really thinks about bands that name themselves after a four-letter vegetable and can't even spell right. Then that gets me to thinking about mistakes. Oh shit. I realize I've been writing the rent check all this time, except with the wrong year. Shit. I cross out 2001 and write over it the new year, 2000, then I remember it is 2002, so I cross out 2000 and write 2002 over that. It looks kind of bad, but hell, I think, it ain't my check anymore, once the landlord gets it. And cosmetically speaking,what has that hijo de puta landlord done for my apartment lately?

So then what happens next? I am in my apartment this morning, getting ready to visit Mervyns and return all the crap that skinny ass lady on the TV told me I could buy for myself on my Mervyn's card this Christmas (I cannot believe I listened to that freaking bruja! She has no idea how financially arruinada I am!) and the landlord is banging on my door and yelling because the bank returned my check! They said it was illegible! So my landlord is threatening to throw me out on the street, dios mio. And me, I am wondering why this hijo de puta can't just take a credit card like everybody else. It's 2002, for fuck's sake.

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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