nine reasons why Spielberg is scornworthy | 2002-07-08 - 10:19 p.m.

Before I dive into this entry, I would like to preemptively apologize to all you Steven Spielberg aficionados out there. Because I warn you, Steven Spielberg fans, you are not going to like this entry. No, you are not going to like it any more than you liked having to wait for five minutes to buy tickets to AI. You are not going to like it any more than the reviewers liked Amistad. Or 1941. Or Hook. Or The Lost World.

I do not need to be reminded that for all his faults, Steven Spielberg is really a saint, an angel, whose brief estancia on this planeta has been devoted to the betterment of mankind. I acknowledge he's done some amazing things with Shoah and as co-chair of Starbright, a foundation that helps seriously ill ni�os cope with their illnesses (aunque it does give me pause to see that Norm Schwarzkopf is his co-chair). He stood up for civil rights when he stepped down from the Boy Scouts of America's Advisory Board. He stood up for good taste when he turned down the chance to make millions on a commercial, watered down Harry Potter movie. The many actos filantr�picos he has performed are too numerous to list.

But if there's anything I dislike, it's flamboyantly casual multi-millionaire saints who name-drop like gossip columnists and dress like Ron Howard. M�s to the point, the terminally affected Steven Spielberg makes for an easy target, and easy targets are my especialidad.

So without further ado, I present for your consideraci�n nueve reasons why Steven Spielberg is worthy of your desd�n:

1. At one time announced his intention to remake The Sound of Music.

2. Has referred to John Williams, one of the most successful American orchestral composers of the modern age, as "Johnny" on m�s than one occasion. This is akin to patting your boyfriend's ass in p�blico! It is just not done!

3. Directed and produced Joe vs. the Volcano.

4. Recently said, without iron�a, "So I just think when this war is over, they'll lift that writ of habeas corpus and we can go back to the Constitution and the Bill of Rights."

5. In reference to a knife-happy surgeon in "Minority Report,"said, "What else is he going to cut off? That's my idea of comedy ... the delicious Hitchcockian wink."

6. Reported an annual sueldo of $283 million in 1997.

7. Pioneered the sinister concepto of media hybridization with Dreamworks SKG, rolling money-making endeavors like m�sica, computer games, television productions and movie distribution together into one big fat money-making money-maker.

8. Is always smirking, like he's in on the same secret as el Presidente.

9. Probablemente is in on the same secret as the President.

I suppose I could go as high as ten reasons why Spielberg is worthy of your scorn, but unlike a certain director/producer/fil�ntropo whose nombre will not be mentioned, I will quit while I am ahead.

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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