proof that castro really is losing his mind | 2002-06-20 - 3:19 p.m.

"In a May dispatch from Cuba, The Wall Street Journal reported that Fidel Castro proposed in 1987 to alleviate a chronic milk shortage by trying to get his scientists to clone the most productive cows, shrunk to the size of dogs so that each family could keep one inside its apartment. The cows would feed on grass grown inside under fluorescent lights."

-- News of the Weird

You can see why this touchingly ingenuo plan of Castro's never came to fruition. It's like one of those goofy Kid's Corner drawings in the Sunday paper where the birds are flying upside down, the boy has his pantalones on backwards and the ni�a is eating ice cream with a fork. There are so many things wrong with it, it's a challenge to count them all.

Aside from the obvious ethical problemas associated with the cloning and shrinking of sentient, living beings like cows, there are practical consideraciones, such as the question of how much grass could be successfully grown indoors under fluorescent lights. Or how much leche could be produced by a cow with an udder the size of a test�culo.

Then there's the question of waste. If you think my apartmento smells bad now, imagine how it would smell with all that putrid cow manure ground into the shag carpet! I, who have had the mala fortuna to experience the stench of esti�rcol in the open aire, am here to tell you that you would not survive a DAY in an apartment-barn.

I count four problemas already, and we haven't even begun to consider pasteurization. But perhaps sanitation isn't an issue in an apartment that is already brimming with cow feces?

Pues, bien, now we're up to a whopping five problemas; more than enough to put me off milk para siempre. I'm about ready to call it a day. Am I missing anything?

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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