inky tufts | 2002-03-18 - 9:39 p.m.


Maybe there is something wrong with me, but when I first laid ojos on this muy reveladora photo of Shakira, el primer pensamiento that popped into my head wasn't "ojal� que I were double-jointed like that" or "where can I buy that red hot lycra get-up" (�sorry, Avenida Madison!), but "what is UP with those airbrushed armpits?" I mean, have you seen pits that smooth on anybody over the age of twelve? No, I didn't think so. Hijos, I am already completamente mistificada about Shakira's newfound blondeness, but esos sobacos of hers -- if she didn't get them from Photoshop, I would love to know how many a�os de servidumbre she promised Satan in exchange for them.

I showed the armpit foto to Concha ayer, expecting her to laugh, but she got all pissy on me. "What's wrong with esa foto?" she asked. "I think she looks hot." When I pointed out to her how imposiblemente suave and stubble-free Shakira's armpits were, she told me her own pits were just as uniformes and velvety as Shakira's. "Wanna see?" she asked, raising her brazos into el aire like a gymnast.

Given Concha's edad (35) and genetic predisposition to hirsuteness, it may not come as any sorpresa to you when I tell you her armpits looked NADA like those of Shakira.

But don't get me wrong -- that is completamente OK conmigo. Because ... unlike Concha, I don't even shave my armpits. S�, hijos, es verdad! I have not shaved, waxed, bleached, plucked, burned, electrified, irradiated or otherwise mutilated my own armpits since I was eighteen. When I lift my arms, all you see is hair.

I realize that some of my beloved readers may find this extremely asqueroso, but let me just say in mi propria defensa that por lo menos I am not a complete esclava to the razor. No! Unlike you, I never experience the heartbreak of underarm stubble. I no longer struggle with the itchiness, the unsightly red bumps, the occasional cuts. A�n m�s importante, skipping the pits gives me more time to enjoy the finer cosas in life. Aproximadamente thirty extra seconds every d�a!

And I am in good company. I read el otra d�a that Julia Roberts, la estrella m�s alta de Hollywood, also esports inky tufts. The pretty woman herself! So there!

OK, sure, she's a millionairess. So she can do whatever she wants. She can bite the heads off of puppies in public. She can pee in public fountains without being stopped and hauled off to jail. And OK, pues, s�, she's got better dientes than me and better skin and no ass to speak of. And a better wardrobe. And she can probablemente find people to dye her armpit hair to match her carro. And she *has* a carro. Probablemente an entire freaking armada of carros, one for each day of the month.

Your point?

anterior - siguiente

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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