mi�rcoles de ceniza | 2002-02-13 - 9:14 p.m.

If you know enough about la iglesia Cat�lica to realize that Lent started today, you are probably experiencing un espasmo de remorse right about now. Remorse for not going to church today, remorse for not planning to do ninguna penitencia this year, remorse for forgetting today was Ash Wednesday in the first place. And claro, the remorse that comes from knowing you are nothing but an evil, miserable pecador and that your sin will always be in front of you; that try as you might to do right, you are rotten to your mortal core, a sinner even in your mother's womb. You are no better than a dog, a dog unworthy to lick the sole of Jesus' foot, and la virgen cries whenever she looks upon your miserable soul. Happy Lent!

I saw this pel�cula once about pilgrims where one of the pilgrim chicks -- Demi Moore -- slept with a dude that wasn't her husband. So Demi's fellow Protestantes made her wear la letra "A" on her rack for the rest of her life. Pretty scary, huh? Well, the Catholic Church goes one better -- on Ash Wednesday, una vez cada a�o, they paint la letra "t" with ashes on the forehead of *each and every* churchgoer. Never mind what you did. You may have lived una vida santa up 'til then, but hey! You are a mortal and the Church is not taking any chances with you.

So once you get the "t", you're supposed to keep it on your frente until it wears off, on pain of eternal damnation o algo. Problem is, due to the nature of the ash and the clumsy manera in which it is often applied, the "t" has la tendencia to smear like Tammy Faye's mascara, so by 2:00 p.m., you're starting to resemble one of the street urchins in Les Miserables.

The business of face-painting aside, Lent isn't all that bad. People like mi madre seem to enjoy it. Most of the year, she's quej�ndose about how bad her knees are, but come Lent, she throws herself down on that kneeler with a grim, exultant sonrisa upon her face, as though shooting pains in her knees will somehow guarantee her a condo in el cielo. Kind of a spiritual version of "No pain, no gain."

I do not find genuflection or pain particularly helpful, but I do enjoy la tradici�n of giving things up for Lent. That is one penitencia I have observed every year since my primera comuni�n, and I find it really helps me focus on the important cosas en la vida. El �nico problema is, I have ninguna idea what to give up this year. Should it be watching the Olympics? Listening to Wagnerian opera? Eating at Taco Bell? Ya sabes, there really are so many options, it's hard to pick just one.

I know! This Lent, I will focus on las cosas that *other* people should give up. El Presidente, por ejemplo, should forego the pretzels. Britney Spears should stop pushing Pepsi. Former Enron CEO Jeff Skilling needs to give up lying. And Donald Rumsfeld should show a little restraint when scaring the crap out of the American people.

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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