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corazon de ching�n | 2002-01-23 - 12:38 p.m. Last night I curled up with Ben and Jerry and tuned in to this new show on ABC called "The Chair." Dios mio, ABC must be hurting for ratings as much as I am hurting for entertainment. I mean, watching this show is like eating stupid on a stick -- con una cuchara. If I concentrate hard enough, I can almost hear the anxiety in the writers' voices as they pitch this gigantissimo load of crap. "It's 'Who Wants to Become a Millionaire' meets 'Fear Factor!' We'll strap contestants to a dentist's chair and monitor their heartrates. We'll ask them third-grade-level questions, which they can answer only if they keep their heartrates below a baseline! We'll keep lowering the baseline until they fuck up. Then we'll set their chair on fire!" Don't get excited, hijos. They didn't really set the chair on fire. They just made it look that way on the trailer. It's not halfway as good as it sounds. Nobody gets hurt. Ya sabes, I really expected better from the show's host, aging tennis star John McEnroe. But throughout the show, he looked muy desorientado, out of his element, like a frat boy at a Joan Didion reading. And I, one of the few people on this planet who can remember the eighties, found it really disorienting to hear him telling the contestants to calm down in that flat, emotionless voice of his. Hey, wasn't this the same guy who used to lob tennis rackets at line judges? Watching him host the show was like watching Jack Nicholson at the end of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and thinking, ay madre, that lobotomy took the cojones right out of him. It occured to me that what this show needs is celebrity guests, like they put on Millionaire to bail the show out when the ratings drop. How perfect it would be, I think, if they invited the mysterioso Se�or Dick Cheney on as a contestant! I mean, when you think of heartbeats, you think of Dick, right? "So, Mr. Cheney, which of the following politicians have not received contributions from Enron? George W. Bush Colin Powell Paul O'Neill You" Only problem with this scenario is Se�or Cheney's ticker, which I hear is not all that reliable. It would be a real spectacle if he had a massive myocardial infarction on the show, with all those people watching. I'm calling ABC right away.
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pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
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Diary Rings |
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member of the scorpio diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland member of the snobs diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland we live sweat but dream light years | d*land wage slaves: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland member of the love-is-pain diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - I'll Dance on His Mutilated Corpse - Diaryland Living Abroad - the expat diaryring: next - prev - random - list - home - Diaryland |
