fainting Bush | 2002-01-14 - 6:32 p.m.

So I'm talking with my next-door neighbor, Concepcion, and we're laughing about how Tom Daschle looks like a drag queen without all the makeup. A very intense, angry drag queen, you know? With a chip on his shoulder. Anyway, that reminds Concha about some disturbing news she heard the other day. "Que paso al senator?" I ask, thinking Tom Daschle finally caught anthrax. I'm praying to the virgen for forgiveness for making fun of him. But no, Concha tells me Daschle's OK. It is the President that's sick. Apparently he was watching TV or something the other day when he suddenly fainted. One minute, he's laughing at the guy in the Jack in the Box head, the next, he's wearing Laura's bowl of bean dip.

What *is* it with this family? Public vomiting is bad enough, but fainting spells? *Male* fainting spells? Ay, madre. What's next? Hemophilia?

So. I am more than a little concerned. I mean, this guy is a heartbeat away from the presidency. Feeling like I need to do algo, I look up the causes of fainting on the internet. Here's what the American Academy of Family Physicians has to say. I warn you in advance, this is really technical stuff. Ha.

"What causes fainting? Fainting, which is also called syncope, can be related to many different things. More than one thing may be the cause of fainting. Sometimes a specific cause for fainting can't be found." Uh oh, I am thinking, this is not good. These payasos are already qualifying their answer.

The article goes on: "Fainting can happen when not enough oxygen flows through your blood and into your brain (or if) you stand up fast; you work or play hard; you begin to breathe too fast; you get very upset; or you're taking medicine for high blood pressure. Coughing, urinating and stretching can also get in the way of the flow of oxygen to the brain and may be a cause of fainting. If you faint when you turn your head to the side, the bones in your neck may be pinching on one of the blood vessels that leads to your brain. A drop in your blood sugar may also cause you to faint. Some prescription medicines can cause fainting. Alcohol, cocaine and marijuana can also cause fainting."

Okay, I think. So basically, what the overpaid medicos are telling us is that the very act of existence causes fainting. This is not very helpful. But we can play detective here, tu y yo. Since the President was sitting on the couch when it happened, we can rule out working hard, standing up and urination as the cause of the fainting spell. That that leaves coughing, stretching, head-turning, prescription medicine, alcohol, cocaine, and marijuana as the possible cause. Hmmm.

pride and prejudice - 2004-09-07
wherein I become a Yahoo! Search Result - 2004-06-23
like 9-11 all over again - 2004-06-20
enough said - 2003-02-05
tirar por la calle de en medio - 2003-01-28

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